In our culture, where youth and youthfulness is prized above all things, the older members of our communities are often overlooked and ignored. In doing so, we miss the gifts that come from those who have gone before us. So it is something sacred and holy to take the time to sit and listen (or watch) the stories of an elder generation, to become vessels and bearers of history told by those who lived it. Through the act of listening to the stories of elders the hearer carries on the legacy of that person.
This is especially needed in the LGBQT community where those over 55 face heightened levels of discrimination, neglect and exclusion. The documentary film Before You Know It, which was part of the 2014 Level Ground Film Festival, counters this cultural trend of ignoring the aged by turning its lens to focus on three gay men in their golden years–Ty, Dennis, and Robert. Ty is an activist for older LGBQT community in Brooklyn, NY, Robert is the owner and center of a bar in Galveston, TX, and Dennis is a lonely but adventurous cross-dresser who splits his time between his home in Florida and a LGBQT friendly retirement home in Portland, OR.
The power of Before You Know It is the universal experiences of these three men. They each are struggling with the changes that age brings as well as the challenges that life brings. I found bits of myself and my story in each of them and theirs–the desire to be loved and share life with another, the loneliness and the desire for connection, fears of financial loss and ruin, and the fear that you have done nothing of value in life.
I found myself drawn to Dennis, who I ended up having the pleasure of taking care of during the film festival, because at the heart of his story, Dennis is a man looking community and a sense of belonging. He is, in person and in the film, a delightful and interesting man who has so much to share. At one point, Dennis says that he doesn’t think he has a legacy to share, yet this film is his legacy. Through hearing his story and the stories of Ty and Robert, the audience becomes the vessels of their treasures. The “something we can take away” from Before You Know It is these men’s lives.