This article continues our Power of Film series, in which thoughtful viewers share their experiences of meeting God at the movies. (SPOILERS are possible in this series.)
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Garden State had a profound spiritual effect on me, and I will admit that it took me several viewings before it actually hit me. It was during my first in full-time ministry that I watched this movie, and I had yet to develop any appreciation for independent films at the time. I actually fell asleep watching it! However, a few events transpired over the next few years in which would bring out my appreciation for the movie.
The next major event in my life was getting married. Without going into all of the details, my pastor would not marry us. Believing that God still wanted this for us, we made the choice to still get married, and subsequently left the church where I was a youth pastor. Once we got married, my wife actually bought the movie because she really liked it, I was not opposed, and it wasn’t until after we left that church that I realized the power of and my appreciation for this movie.
The first scene of the movie opens to Zach Braff (creator and main actor) in a dream where he is in a plane crash, and he is numb to everything around him. He then wakes up in his bedroom that lacks any sign of life – white walls, white sheets, and a telephone. He wakes up to a voicemail from his dad that his mother has died. You see his medicine cabinet, filled with prescription drugs. And as he is driving to work, you realize that he is “sleepwalking” through life.
Again, this is a movie that has had different effects on me each time I have watched it. I realized that those first few years of ministry were very similar to the opening scenes of the movie. I was 21 when I started full-time ministry, and I was so wet behind the ears that I needed a lot of help from my senior pastor, and for all intents and purposes, he helped! It wasn’t until my last month at that church (2 ½ years after I started there), after I tendered my resignation, that I started to realize that I was heavily medicated (figuratively speaking). Attempting to make a decision on my own, especially one that did not fall in line with our senior pastor, brought out the dissatisfaction of those around me, and the realization that I was under a spiritual sedation. Now, I’d like to say that leaving that church to get married two months later and venturing off with a friend to start a new church was my spiritual awakening… but it wasn’t. It was actually a lot like the movie.
in the movie, Andrew (Braff) goes home, relives lost high school relationships, and weans himself off of his medications. Through random conversation at the doctor’s office, Andrew finds himself engulfed in a relationship with a girl (Natalie Portman), and appears to begin living moment by moment with her, as opposed to the mindless life he used to live. Retelling his story of how he got to where he is life, he realizes that everything he was told growing up (being blamed for his mother being paralyzed and being told he was “unstable”) is not truth anymore. He begins to get glimpses of what life might be like without meds and by making his own choices.
The actors then go on a wild goose chase where they end up meeting the caretaker of a quarry, and this is where the real breakthrough of the movie happens. It seems almost silly for a man to choose to live at the bottom of a quarry, where nothing evers happen, but this man is content. He is even happy. He finds ways to dream. On their way out of the quarry, Andrew looks into the abyss of this giant hole in the ground and screams out all of his frustrations.
It wasn’t until two years ago (approximately 3 years after we left that church) that I realized I could scream. And this is after watching the movie several more times! The last kicker is Andrew’s ability to choose a different life where he has found love and life, instead of going back to his habitual life that once was. I easily relate my life to this movie, but it didn’t happen in one viewing just as it did not happen for Andrew in one choice. It was a series of events, mine being over a span of several years, that I realized the freedom in which Christ has called me to live. My faith is not about being so controlled that I never make a mistake. It is about experiencing the grace of God through my mistakes as I live for my Creator.